Whitney Cummings

don't fall in love with me

884,687 Followers
4,996 Tweets
I just had my first oyster and I just farted a pearl.
Whitney Cummings @whitneyacummings
Heart attack
Whitney Cummings @whitneyacummings
Ralph, why you so obsessed with me girl I need to know?
Whitney Cummings @whitneyacummings
Well ill be damned. We can't even bring hemlock on planes anymore? Thank god I have a lunesta
Whitney Cummings @whitneyacummings
Pre-show Googlin
Whitney Cummings @whitneyacummings
It's good to be back onstage doing stand up again.
Whitney Cummings @whitneyacummings
Regram @bridgeteverett. The fountain of vermouth.
Whitney Cummings @whitneyacummings
Ill give you that red light comedy special
Whitney Cummings @whitneyacummings
This is the kind of porn I can get behind http://t.co/Ys8XLXThz4
Whitney Cummings @WhitneyCummings
Well, I got the girl font. Font you @kevingchristy
Whitney Cummings @whitneyacummings
I found something that's harder to hug than me.
Whitney Cummings @whitneyacummings
Arizona I'm coming there this weekend to perform and pass away.
Whitney Cummings @whitneyacummings
@hoopertime keeping me alive.
Whitney Cummings @whitneyacummings
Regram @nickzano. Don't be jelly @katdenningsss i'll give him back when I'm done.
Whitney Cummings @whitneyacummings
Michael Patrick King of comedy and my spirit animal and eternal muse @bridgeteverett
Whitney Cummings @whitneyacummings
Lovers: This Friday and Saturday. Tempe, AZ improv.
Whitney Cummings @whitneyacummings